Relationships Woman looking at menu cafe bar terrace

Published on January 10th, 2013 | by Sheila Phillips

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Being Single is Not a Default Position!


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I recently had a conversation with a contemporary colleague, who was bemoaning the status of her current relationship, which is coming close on the heels of an acrimonious divorce.  She was not too happy with her current guy, and there were still unresolved issues with her ex.  Why, I asked, was she not just taking time for herself before getting entangled in a new relationship?  Silence ensued, and I heard myself suggesting that she might want to consider that being single is not a default position.

Being single is not a default position – this is a concept that I chose to embrace after my marriage ended.  It has served me well.  I watch single friends, acquaintances, co-workers expend endless amounts of time and energy in their mission to find “the one”, only to see their efforts end in tears; some days I wish they could embrace their single status, even briefly.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m all in favour of people being happily attached to the right person, and finding that person is a process.  But maybe an important part of the process is choosing to spend some time alone, revelling in the freedom to do whatever, go wherever, be whoever you want.  And thinking about why you want to be in a relationship.  If it’s so you have someone to go to a movie with, or out to dinner with, consider going with the person who knows you best – yourself. You might find it liberating! If you are worried about what others will think, we will consider that in another post.  What do you think – default or choice?

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About the Author

Sheila Phillips is a patron of the arts, a volunteer in the Violence Against Women sector, a devoted book-clubber and has been successfully living the single life in Toronto for more years than she can believe. She is also an online instructor for professional development courses within the group insurance industry.



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